Just A Bottle, Just A Touch
by Blizzaarrdd
Summary: The first Tegan and Sara fanfic I ever wrote, depicting Tegan and Sara on a struggle with their feelings for each other. Quincest; POV of Sara.
1. Chapter 1

Tegan sat down on the couch next to me during our break from recording. She handed me a beer and smiled lightly at me as she used a bottle opener to open hers. I stared at the bottle in my hands with intent as i flipped it over and over in my hands. I read the labels a hundred times over feeling the cool glass surface turn warm in my hands. Tegan took another swig of her beer before she looked over at me and raised an eyebrow.

"You not gonna open it? We have two more hours of recording - you need to get some liquid." Tegan assured me.

I looked up from the bottle and at Tegan, who now had lowered her beer, resting it on her knee. Her soft expression slowly began to fade into confusion as she watched my shattered face.

"I don't really feel like a beer right now…" I sighed as I rested my elbows on my knees clutching the warming beer in my stiff hands. I looked down at it again and kinda half grinned.

"Ya know, this was Emy's favorite brand."

Tegan smirked lightly and rolled her eyes at me. She turned her body to face mine and placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder.

"Sara, you gotta stop thinking about that girl. She's in the past now, and we need to focus on the now. On our music."

Tegan smiled softly at me then and squeezed my shoulder. She stood up from the rusty couch and put out her hand. I looked up at it and then at her, questioning her motives. Tegan twitched her fingers at me, and when I still didn't understand what she meant, she smiled wide and almost shouted, "Give me the damn bottle Sara!"

Laughing, we both smiled at each other and I handed over the bottle. Tegan looked at me quickly before she popped the cap off and took a big sip of the warm beer. She glanced over at me and offered me the bottle. I gapped my mouth lightly and reached for it, but before my fingered could grasp the smooth glass, Tegan pulled it away and tucked it close to her.

"Ah ah ahhh," Tegan teased, "You gotta promise me somethin' before you can have it."

I smiled sadly at her and asked, "Yeah, what's that?"

"You gotta promise me there'll be no more of this "Emy" crap the rest of recording."

Tegan offered me the bottle again, and I gleamed at her as my fingers wrapped around the hot glass.

"Promise." I said with a grin.

Tegan held up her almost empty bottle and smartly grinned at me, "Cheers then."

"Cheers!" We clanged bottles and chugged what we had left. Tegan walked away from me in the direction of the recording studio, and I was left alone by the old, rusty couch. Memories started flooding in from the silence of Emy and me, sitting toasting beer together on the couch - celebrating the end of a recorded album. I thought of all the laughs we sharred, and all the pictures that we stored.

I looked down the hall when I heard Tegan call after me. I quickly hid the bottle behind the couch, and chased after her down the hallway. I caught up to her and she stared talking to me about what song we're supposed to be recording next, but all I could think of was that couch.

The bottle would sit there for a long time, just like all the others. All clanging together behind that rusty, old couch that I love so much.


	2. Chapter 2

Tegan and I sleepily strolled into the recording room, where several people were already there waiting for us. The room was rather small, but it somehow was able to fit two chairs, a side table, and the control panel for the mic room. Rob and Ted took up the only two chairs, playing cards on the side table. They laughed with each other and cursed loudly whenever one of them made a false move. It made me smile to see them so happy on a gloomy day like this.

Tegan was already down for business when we first walked in. She was standing with one of the recording guys chatting away about sound preferences and other things I really never got a say in. The only time I could ever really say what I wanted about the music was if It was one of my songs, but it's quite obvious now that that's not the case here...again.

I walked over to one of the bare walls and leaned myself against it. I was about to let out a sigh when I could feel my phone vibrate in my pocket. Who could be texting me now, it's almost midnight! I dug down deep into my jeans and retrieved my phone. The screen lit up with a name I didn't want to talk to right now, but at the same time I so desperately did. I didn't want to read they're words, but I wanted to badly to hear them speak. I didn't want them in my head, but I fear that they always will be.

I opened the text message from Emy, and quickly read it to myself. For some reason I didn't understand, so I read it over again. Then a third time, then a fourth. I just couldn't figure out what it said, and why is said it. It didn't make any sense to me, so i just stared at it. I could hear everyone else moving on without me in the room. Tegan was finalizing things for the record, Ted just beat Rob at their game and Rob just kept cursing at him, and I was left standing there against the wall not knowing what to think.

The text read, "Sara, I know it's late, and I know you're busy with recording, but I really need to talk to you - soon."

I didn't even know how to respond to her. I mean, what was I supposed to say? "It's good to hear from you after 3 months of silence - let's go meet for coffee?" No, that's not going to happen. I made a promise to Tegan that Emy wouldn't be on my mind the rest of the night, and I didn't plan on breaking it. I turned off my phone and shoved it back in my pocket. I strolled up next to Tegan right when I heard her finish talking to the recording guy.

"Everything set?" I asked in the perkiest voice I could muster. Tegan turned to look at me and smiled big at seeing how happy I appeared.

"Yeah," Tegan began, "everything seems to be good. We're just waiting for some final things to be in order, which may take a few minutes." Tegan smiled at me before she continued, "Do you wanna go stand outside for a bit or something? It's kinda stuffy in here."

I nodded at her and smiled a little, "Cool, let's go!" she said as we walked out of the small, cramped room together. We proceeded back into the hall and started walking to the exit. I forced myself to not look the opposite way at the couch where many of my old beers sat behind. I had to keep remembering the promise we toasted on a few minutes earlier, and how much that promise means to Tegan.

Tegan…

I looked out the corner of my eye, and just watched her. She had a small smile on her face, and her hair looked so cute as it continuously kept falling in front of her eyes as she walked. I watched the way she blinked, and the way she walked, and the way her hands tapped lightly against her sides.

Her hands though…I felt this aching urge to just grab them in mine and never let go. They looked so perfect, like they were meant for me to hold them. I bite down on my lip and I could feel my fingers twitching. We were almost to the door - I couldn't let my chance go. I slowly, without looking, reached over and gently cuffed my fingers in her palm. I didn't look at her, I just kept walking and held my head down. My hand slowly pressed my palm against hers, and as I tried to intertwine my fingers with hers, I felt her hand slide around mine and squeeze it.

I looked up at Tegan, who was already watching me with a dorky smile on her face. I smiled at her and squeezed her hand back. We were almost out the door when we started swinging our arms back and forth, back and forth.


	3. Chapter 3

Tegan and I both stood outside, still hand in hand. The dark night was lit up with all the city lights and noises that this big, loud city caused. The icy breeze blew against our jackets, and made our hair reach out. It was so cold, but Tegan's warm hand made me feel safe out here on the sidewalk. I looked down and kicked my feet at the pavement, swaying my arm that connected me to Tegan.

Even though we have been in the same band together for some time now, we never actually hung out together. We never went to have lunch on the weekends or met up with each other somewhere – all we ever did was play music. I want to have more of a connected relationship with her that is outside of our music career, but maybe that just isn't bent on happening. I looked up at Tegan who was watching a man from across the street. He was standing there, on the curb, just starring at us. He didn't move, and he seemed to not even blink – he just stared.

"Who's that guy over there?" I hushly asked Tegan as I stepped sideways to stand closer to her. Tegan didn't respond. She glanced over at me for a second and hugged my arm to her. She continued to watch the man very seriously, standing as still as he was. After a few moments, the man looked both ways down the streets, and started to hurry towards us.

"Come on, we're going back inside." Tegan said quickly to me as she yanked my arm in the direction of the recording studio. I did as she said without another thought as we both turned around to jog back inside the safety of the building. I didn't look back to see how close the man was, I didn't want to know. I just did as Tegan said and made my way to the building with fast pacing. Right when Tegan's fingers were able to grasp the door handle of the glass wall, I felt a stern hand grab my shoulder.

I let out a loud yelp in terror as I threw my shoulder back trying to shake off my attacker. Tegan turned around and shoved the man a few feet away with a loud grunt as she gritted her teeth, making him stumble to keep his footing. The man collapsed to the ground in a pile on the dirty sidewalk with Tegan and I standing near watching the man. He slowly moved on the ground as if he were about to stand back up. Tegan pulled on my arm again and right before we disappeared inside the warm building, the man reached out into the air and yelled.

"Wait!" the man chocked out. Tegan and I stopped walking and glanced over our shoulders at the man on the ground, who was steadily helping himself up. He stumbled towards us with his hands in front of his chest. Tegan stood her ground half in front of me, and I felt a raging serge to just hug her for trying to protect me. She always seemed like such a sister to me even though she still seemed so distant. I always loved having her by my side, because no matter what I always feel safe with her near.

The man panted and choked on his words as he spoke. "I'm-I'm sorry, I was-was just trying to see if it-it was really you…" he stuttered out. Tegan flexed her shoulders and growled at him, "What are you talking about?"

The man, that we later learned was named Jacob, was a father of two teenage girls. His daughters, he said, absolutely adore us and our music. Tegan and the man talked over things as I stood next to her laughing every so often and backing her up. She seemed to have a handle so well on things when it comes to negotiating and talking to strangers. She's not afraid to be herself and she can speak so clearly. I looked up to her in that way.

After a quick laugh, the man raised his eyebrow and pointed a finger at us. "Say, I don't know you guys very well, but are you sisters? You look awfully similar." Tegan and I both chuckled lightly. "No, we're just good friends." Tegan said as I squeezed her hand. The man smiled big. "Oh, I'm sorry then. You must get that a lot." Tegan and I both nodded accordingly. Jacob asked if he could have something to take back to his daughters, so we brought him in to the studio to meet the others. Jacob took a picture of Tegan and me, and we both signed it. Jacob was so pleased with the present that he couldn't contain his joy to return home. We walked him back out to the street where we said our good byes, and Jacob apologized one more time for scaring us, and then he hurridly scooted away down the street.

I smiled at him as I watched him jog away, and walked back into the safety of the recording studio holding on to Tegan's warm hand tightly.


	4. Chapter 4

"Tegan….do you have a minute?" I asked her as she stood against a wall checking her phone. Tegan looked up at me and smiled lightly. "Yeah, of course Sara, what's up?" I looked around the recording room and gestured towards the door biting my lip, "No, not in here. I need to talk to you outside.."

Tegan gave me a suspicion glace but didn't question it as she followed me out of the room. We walked down the hall and I could sense Tegan's curiosity as she followed close behind me into the woman's restroom. I guided her into the biggest stale, and locked the door behind us. I stood there facing the door with my head hanging for a long moment, holding my breath. _What am I doing? Why did I bring her in here? _The voice screamed in my head.

I squeezed my eyes hard one last time, and quickly turned around to find Tegan staring at me, standing in the center of the stall. She seemed more scared than she did inquisitive. Her eyes met mine and we just watched each other before Tegan took a breath to talk, "Why are we in here? Is something…up?" I looked to the side and reached over to rub my shoulder. I tried to make words, but my mouth didn't want to move. I sat in silence starring at the wall, just standing there with nothing better to do.

She took a few steps closer to me and put both of her hands on my shoulders. She bunched my shirt in between her fingers and solidly starred into my eyes. Her hands on my shoulders caught my breath, and made my body stiffen and my cheeks become warm. Tegan looked around at my face and saw how nervous I was, so she took her hand and brushed her thumb lightly on my blushing cheeks. The butterflies that suddenly formed in my stomach were undeniable.

"Sara…what's going on?" Tegan arched her head to the side lightly shifting her jaw back and forth. I bit my lip at her and looked her in the eyes, not knowing what exactly to say, or do, or even think. Yes, I brought her in here for a reason, but now that we were here I was having second thoughts on the whole situation. "Tegan…I-" I stopped myself. _What am I doing!? This is Tegan! My sister! This is_ _ridiculous!_ I took a quick breath and put a smile on my face. I took both of her hands in mine and pulled them away from my face, and placed them at her sides.

"I'm sorry about this. Nothing's wrong, just forget about it. Let's go back to the recording room." I smiled at her again and turned around to leave. I reached for the stall door handle when I felt a hand grip onto my shoulder. Before I could react, Tegan pulled me from my shoulder around, pressing me against her. I caught my breath in my throat as my face held close in front of hers. Her expression was soft; unreadable. She was looking down, at the floor it seemed. Her arm that was on my shoulder now cradled me around my back. I couldn't breathe; being this close to her made me too nervous for words. Tegan looked up at me then. Her gentle, brown eyes found their way into mine, and made my heart flutter faster than it ever has before. I could feel my heart beating hard in my chest, and I'm pretty sure Tegan could feel it too because she half smiled at me and pursed her lips lightly. "I don't think we should forget it…"


	5. Chapter 5

The air hung thin around Tegan and I in the bathroom stall. My breath caught short in my throat from standing so close to Tegan, making it hard to breath. Her brown eyes burrowed into mine, and I could feel the sweat begin to form on my brow. The nervousness I felt around her scared me, but being this close to her skin made me just feel sick.

Tegan smirked lightly at me and whispered, "I don't want to forget it…"

She leaned in against me and our lips brushed together, instantly making my spine shiver. The wave of emotions that just hit me spiraled out of control, and my heart danced wildly with them. Her soft lips pressed against mine, and my eyes slowly closed shut so that my mind made up images against my eyelids. My arms slowly reached out to grasp Tegan's waist, and doing so made her adjust her stance. Our legs moved in between each other's, pressing our bodies closer to one another. We stood silently in the stall holding each other, lips locked together so wonderfully for a long moment before she pulled back. My eyes opened one before the other to find her staring at me.

A small smile danced onto my lips before I looked down and asked, "What was that for..?"

Tegan bit her lip and looked me up and down. "It was for you. Wasn't it obvious?" She scrunched her face at me, making my whole face go red and my eyes struggle to stay focused on one thing. I felt so nervous until I realized my arms were still around her waist, and our legs where still overlapping each other's. My fingers gripped onto the fabric of her shirt, feeling it in my fingers, and taking in her figure. I leaned in to Tegan, letting my lips brush up the side of her ear. I took in her scent, one that I've known all my life, but only now has it made me feel like this.

The words that came out of my mouth were crackled and hushed, but I managed to make them as best I could. After they came, my fingers pulled Tegan against me to an embrace, letting her hair fall against my eyes and her arms dangle around my shoulders. The words made me tingle with delight, and I could feel in Tegan's chest her heart start to race, and made it pound against her ribs. The words that I made made it feel like we were floating together, just the two of us, holding each other in a rush of emotions.

"I love you."


	6. Chapter 6

Tegan and I stood like that for a while before we heard someone come into the bathroom.

"Are you guys in here?" Someone called. Tegan gave me a look before smiling and calling back to the voice. "Yeah, we'll be right out; give us a minute." The voice kinda went "alright" and we heard the bathroom door close behind them. Tegan turned back to look at me and took my hand in her's and winked, pulling on my arm to lead me out of the stall. If it showed on my face, I was so overtaken by Tegan it was unbearable. We walked out of the bathroom hand in hand back into the recording studio where the others were waiting for us. I must've been blushing because Rob gave me a weird look, and I just shrugged it off.

After a few hours of recording demos and acoustics, we walked out to the parking lot to our cars. It was almost midnight, and the cold parking lot was almost empty now. I climbed into the passenger seat of Tegan's car, and shortly after me, she sat down in the driver seat and turned on the car. She gave me a glance before putting the car in reverse and pulling out of the lot.

_We're going back to her house.._

Tegan drove smoothly down the dark streets that were only occupied by a few cars.

_This is going to go too far. I don't know if I'm ready for this.._

She reached over and turned on the radio to her favorite rock station, and she sung ridiculously loudly to every song, tapping her hands on the steering wheel. I watched her having so much fun, and I couldn't help but smile. As she sang, she reached over and took my hand in her's, resting it on the gear shift. I could feel my face get warm starring at our entangled fingers.

_I hate how this feels so right. We're going to her house; we're staying the night together. I hate how much I want this to be forever real when this will probably just be tonight._

Tegan looked around at the cross streets before pulling through the stop sign and into the next neighborhood where her house was. Several other fairly nice houses lined the sidewalk, unlit from its sleepy owners.

We pulled into her drive way and locked the car behind us. I followed Tegan up the sidewalk and to the front door, where she unlocked it for me and let me in. Her single house was a little big for one person, but I practically lived here for I come home with her almost every time I'm in town. Several abstract paintings lined the walls, and on the dining table were clusters of documents, newspapers, and magazines that had some articles or stories about our band. I mindlessly walked into the kitchen, leaning up against the counter watching Tegan walk in and open the fridge. She took out a beer an offered me one as well. I took the cold can in my hands and opened it silently. Tegan leaned on the counter next to me, opening her bear as well.

"You were pretty quiet in the car; everything alright?"

I took another sip of the bar and smiled fakely. "Yeah, I just have a lot on my mind right now.."

Tegan faced forward, not looking at me when she spoke again. "Is it because of what happened in the studio bathroom?" I looked over at her, but her expression was blank as she pretended to be interested in the wooden cabinets in front of her. I watched her, waiting for her to turn to look at me, but she didn't. I looked at the floor and sucked on my lip. "Yeah I guess." I heard Tegan laugh a little bit.

"Well, let's make it a better night for you." She then stood up and walked out of the kitchen. I watched the hall where she went, but she didn't come back. Tegan called from down the hall, "Come on!"

I couldn't help but smile a little bit before setting the beer down on the counter and going down the hallway. As I walked down it, I realized I was walking towards her bedroom. I hesitated before walking through the entry way of her room, swallowing hard on my thoughts. Tegan was adjusting the bedding blankets, turning on the tv before laying down on the mattress. She looked over at me and patted the bed smiling. I could feel myself blushing as I strolled over to the other side of the bed to lie down next to Tegan.

I didn't know whether to just lay there next to her or to reach my arm over and rest my head on her shoulder. My thought process was going insane sitting so close to her, and I could barely focus on the TV.

"Tegan?" I asked her starring down at my fingers, who were picking at each other. Tegan made a little sound in question looking over at me, and knowing her eyes were on me made me swallow the lump that was forming in my throat.

"Why are we here?" I didn't know why I asked that, I didn't even think of what I was going to say before it came out. I could see her smiling at me, and I could hear her moving on the bed sheets. Soon her arm was pulled around my shoulder, forcing my head to rest on her chest with her other arm supporting the side of my body. Now I really couldn't breathe. Tegan's heart beat quickly in my ear, and I could tell how nervous she was, but somehow she seemed so calm.

"Because I wanted us to have a night together." she said playing with my hair. I closed my eyes, sighing a little bit, trying to stay calm. My stomach felt like it was gone, and that my body was just filled up with sand – weighing down my throat and heart.

_We're not doing anything. We're just sitting in bed._

The word _bed_ echoed through my thoughts, more than I wanted it to. It made me think of images of Tegan and me together. It made me feel a shiver in my back that moved its way to the front of my body. It made my skin feel cold, and my eyes dilate. It made me bite my lip at the thought of future I was imagining, what the next few hours could have in store if it got there; of how much I wanted it.

I opened my eyes again and tilted my head up to look at Tegan, who was already looking at me. I took a breath and smiled sideways.

"I want this night together too.."

Tegan squeezed the side of my arm kinda grinning at me.

That gesture was a question. It was asking me if I wanted to act on what I just said - act on what we both are thinking.

I debated with myself before I made the choice to lean up and kiss Tegan again, answering her question to make the next few hours amazing.


	7. Chapter 7

The bed sheets ruffled, the lights in the room danced, our breathes echoed around the night. I couldn't see, but I could feel. I felt my way across the trip, taking side roads and detours. We moved ever so silently with a few laughs and moans that came out of the dark. My senses were so enhanced; I could smell Tegan's hair, her skin, her sweat. But even though I could feel and smell every bit of this dream, I still couldn't see. Until I realized I had my eyes closed.

When they opened, I was against a bed, with all the smells and touches that were around me. My voice screamed across the room at the feeling that was shooting through my thighs. It was a good feeling, a wonderful feeling - an intoxicating thing that felt so wrong as it gave me such pleasure.

_Everything.._

My body flips over on the bed and soft skin placed itself along the arch of my back. So smooth, perfectly aligning with my body.

_Yes.._

A hand slips across my hips, feeling and pressing down on it's prize. My legs twitch, and my eyes roll back. My fingers dig into the bed and my stomach wants more breathing space from being so pressed against the bed. Her hair draped against my hips, and the hands found a new place to hide as a tongue took their place. My teeth bit down on the pillow, and my vocal cords yelled into the room.

_Yess..._

My hands found their way against her body, and grabbed against it, moving it off of me. My eyes went blind again at the adrenaline, making it hard to think. All I knew of was the craving in my mouth, and the ringing in my ears. I had to move fast, I needed to get what I wanted,

_I want it. I want it._

I found the other body again, and my hands glided across its hips. The bones brushed against my palms and the goose bumps glided against me. I stood up on her, grinding my knee in between her hips. The slow rotations caused wonderful noises to erupt out of her body. My mouth was far up above her body, in yet I could almost taste her, feeling her pulsing skin on my tongue and her warm body against my teeth. I craved her taste, and I didn't intend to make that go unsatisfied.

_It's mine.._

That was the last thing I thought before the hunger took over mind and body.

The night loomed out above us after lying in bed for so long. It was silent now under the bed sheets, where Tegan and I lay entangles in our own skin. My eyes began to finally see the soft light in the room again, and the ringing disappeared. I heard the TV, the wind outside, and the up and down breathing of the girl next to me. I turned my eyes up to look at Tegan, who had fallen asleep. I watched how her lips pursed and her face twitched as she dreamed. Her arms were wrapped around my head and waist, and her bare skin was barley being hidden by the bed sheets. I closed my eyes and breathed in her scent again, remembering our kiss back at the studio. How much it means to me, how comforting it makes me feel - like home. And now I'm laying at home, a place where I belong and I wish I could stay with as long as possible; instead of venturing out into the world.

I just want to stay home.


	8. Chapter 8

_Run. Just run. Don't look back. The wind blew past my face and my feet hit hard against the pavement as I ran down the street. It was getting dark, and I needed to get to safety before the thing chasing me caught up. The sweat on my forehead dripped into my eyes and pavement scrapped against my shoes, almost making me trip._

_The buildings of the town loomed into view right when I felt a claw on my ankle._

My eyes opened wide, staring up at the ceiling of Tegan's bedroom. The dream had shook me awake, thankfully. I laid there, rubbing my eyes and stretching out in the blankets. One of my arms stretched out across the bed, and my fingers felt around the mattress for Tegan, but I didn't find her. I looked at the bed next to me to find it empty. My heart beat quickly in my chest as I looked around the room, propping myself up on one elbow. Swinging my feet over the side of the bed, I placed them down on the carpet and slowly rose to my feet. My head still ached from the dream, and my whole body had that early morning sleepiness to it. I walked slowly out of the bedroom down the hall, being careful as I walked for I was a tad bit clumsy after just waking up, and soon I heard singing. I kept walking, and Tegan's voice rung out louder from the kitchen.

I walked through the doorway and silently watched Tegan sing at the stove. She was cooking something that smelled of bacon and syrup. The table had already been set - with plates and glasses of orange juice laid out. I giggled to myself at how Tegan twirled her hips as she sung into her spatula. She turned her head when she heard me laugh, and smiled at me brightly looking back at the frying pan.

"Morning Sara! I'm making pancakes, would you like some?"

I couldn't help but feel my face rise up in a huge smile. After everything that had just happened, she's still my sister. She's still the one who makes me breakfast and knows how to make me smile.

"Yeah, I'd love some." I said quietly. I walked over to the table and looked down at one of the plates. There was a piece of paper on it that read "Sara". I picked it up gently and studied the paper. Flipping it over, there was a fold. On the fold it read "Do not read until you are home alone". I was so temped to read it right then, but I knew Tegan had a reason for putting it here. Carefully, I folded it a few more times to fit it into my pants pocket, and then sat down at the table.

Tegan and I talked and ate breakfast together for a while - enjoying the food and the early morning sunshine. When there was a long silence, I kept my eyes on my plate and thought of something to say to fill the quiet air.

"I had the dream again last night.." Tegan looked up at me before putting a cut pancake in her mouth.

"The one about the thing chasing you?"

I nodded at her, and Tegan made a loud noise in response as she chewed her food. I watched her while poking my pancake, seeing how interested she was in her food. She didn't look up at me, and my fingers found the note in my pocket. I slid the tips of my skin over the sharp paper - desperately wanting to read what was inside. Maybe it was about last night. The thought of the bed came rushing back to me, feeling like a waterfall - like when you stand up too quickly after being upside-down. My head felt so heavy, but it felt so empty at the same time. I must have had an odd expression on my face because Tegan was looking at me. Her eyes stabbed into mine, making me swallow the lump in my throat.

She pointed her fork at me, still chewing. "Are you alright? You look pale."

My fingers twitched under the table, and my face felt warm. I barley felt like I could make words for some reason. My whole body just felt strange.

_Touch, expression, eye dilation_

My tongue felt dry when I tried to wet my lips to speak. The world around me was quiet, and the eyes from Tegan were the only real thing here.

_Scent, rush, goose bumps_

Air came out of my lungs - it came out sharply, without a tone. Just scratchy noises.

"Yeah. I'm fine. Just a little light headed." Tegan shook her fork at me after swallowing, "Do you want to go lie down?"

I looked down at my plate - at the food that Tegan had slaved away all morning to prepare for me. I hadn't even touched my orange juice, and had barely made a dent in my pancake stack.

_Emotions, sensation, pulse_

I couldn't help it - reliving the night at the table. Remembering every touch, every sound, every feeling. I felt so horrible to have the memories flying through my mind right now, and having Tegan mistaking them for discomfort.

_Reaction, breathe, orgasmic_

The morning soon disappeared after Tegan and I joined each other on the couch to watch tv together all day. I soon found myself back at my temporary home. A small apartment I stayed in while we were in L.A. to record. I sat on my bed, starring of into space. Still the only thing on my mind was the night before. About how it would impact my relationship with my sister, what others would think if they found out, how the media could ruin our band.

My head was swimming with horrible in yet wonderful thoughts, making me rest my head down on my pillow. As I laid in the dark in my bed, I suddenly remembered the note in my pocket.

I slid my hand into my pants pocket and pulled out the now crumpled piece of paper. It felt ruff in my hands, and my sleepy eyes tried to focus on my written name.

I took a breath when I read the instructions again. Opening the small paper flap, I read the note silently to myself. There wasn't much to the phrase that was written, but the meaning it had to me made my eyes feel pressured; glossy. I ran my finger over Tegan's handwriting, re reading the words over and over again. I finally just had to read the words aloud to myself, to hear them - even if they were just in my voice.

"I love you too." I read with a small smile and sigh.


End file.
